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Tag: addiction

  • Understanding the Crucial Difference Between Enabling and Helping in Family Interventions

    Understanding the Crucial Difference Between Enabling and Helping in Family Interventions

    Helping is doing something for somebody who can not to this for themselves right now

    Enabling is doing something for somebody who could and should do this for themselves right now

    By Bill Stevens, RedChair Recovery Addiction Intervention Therapy Service

    At Red Chair Recovery Specialist Therapy Service, we’re committed to providing top-notch intervention services to families and individuals across the UK, especially in the beautiful Northwest of England. We understand that when it comes to family interventions, it’s essential to comprehend the subtle yet impactful difference between enabling and helping. In this blog, we’ll break down this vital distinction and offer practical insights to guide you through this challenging process.

    Enabling: What You Need to Know

    Enabling refers to the inadvertent or conscious support of harmful behaviours. In the context of addiction and complex issues, enabling can take several forms:

    1. Financial Support: It’s when you provide money to someone with an addiction issue, and they end up using it for their harmful behaviour.

    2. Covering Up: This is about concealing the consequences of their actions, shielding them from facing the harsh reality of their behaviour.

    3. Excusing Behaviour: Enabling often involves making excuses for their actions, which prevents them from acknowledging the problem at hand.

    Helping: The Path to Positive Change

    Helping, on the other hand, focuses on providing support with the intention of encouraging positive transformation. Here are the fundamental aspects of helping:

    1. Express Concern: Communicate your worries and fears about your loved one’s behaviour. Make it clear that you genuinely care about their well-being.

    2. Set Boundaries: Define the limits of what you’re willing to tolerate and what you expect in return. This establishes a framework for change.

    3. Suggest Treatment: Encourage your family member to seek professional help or therapy to address their issues and embark on a journey of recovery.

    Practical Examples: Applying the Knowledge

    Let’s put this knowledge into practice with some real-world examples:

    1. Enabling: Imagine you’ve been repeatedly bailing out a family member who’s been spending their money on their addiction, neglecting essential needs.
    Helping: Express your concern, set the boundary that you won’t provide more money for their addiction, and strongly encourage them to seek treatment.

    2. Enabling: You’ve been consistently cleaning up after a family member’s mess caused by their addiction, protecting them from the consequences of their actions.
    Helping: Allow them to face the consequences of their actions. Offer to clean up together and engage in a heartfelt discussion about the need for change.

    3. Enabling: During family gatherings, you’ve been making excuses for a loved one’s addiction to maintain appearances.
    Helping: Confront the issue openly, expressing your love and concern. Suggest seeking professional help to address their addiction and start the journey to recovery.

    Understanding the distinction between enabling and helping is paramount for families contemplating intervention. The ultimate objective is to offer support that fosters recovery without inadvertently perpetuating destructive behaviour. If you’re in the Northwest of England and need professional intervention services, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Red Chair Recovery Specialist Therapy Service. We’re here to support you in your journey towards healing and transformation.

    For more information about our services, please visit our website or get in touch with us. We’re here to help you every step of the way.

  • Apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    Apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    Apricity, the warmth of the sun on a cold winter day, is a feeling that can bring joy and happiness to anyone who experiences it. For those in sobriety, finding apricity can be crucial to living a rich and meaningful life. Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a powerful tool that can help those in recovery find the warmth and light they need to thrive.

    An Anonymous Client Who Introduced Me To The Word “Apricity” – Thankyou. It is a beautiful connection to a feeling.

    Mr Good Person

    Loving His Rich & Meaningful Life

    ACT is based on the idea that pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life, but that we can choose how we respond to them. Instead of trying to avoid or eliminate negative emotions, ACT teaches us to accept them and focus on living a fulfilling life in spite of them. This can be especially important for those in recovery, who may face ongoing struggles with addiction, cravings, and other challenges.

    One key aspect of ACT is the concept of values. By identifying our core values and committing to living in alignment with them, we can create a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. For someone in recovery, this might mean prioritizing relationships with loved ones, taking care of their physical and mental health, or giving back to their community. By focusing on these values, we can find fulfillment and satisfaction that goes beyond simply avoiding drugs or alcohol.

    Another important component of ACT is mindfulness. By learning to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment, we can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-compassion. This can be especially important for those in recovery, who may struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or self-doubt. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, and move forward with greater confidence and resilience.

    Of course, none of this is easy. Sobriety is a journey, and there will be setbacks and challenges along the way. But by embracing the principles of ACT, we can find apricity even in the darkest of times. We can learn to accept our pain and suffering, find meaning and purpose in our lives, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment that goes far beyond temporary pleasures.

    So if you’re struggling with addiction or are in recovery, remember that apricity is within reach. By embracing the principles of ACT, you can create a rich and meaningful life, full of warmth and light, even in the coldest of winters.

  • They said “No”, and are still out there, using.

    They said “No”, and are still out there, using.

    They said “No”

    This happens. You gather, you offer love, you offer treatment and nothing. However, Family Intervention is about Intervention on the family illness as well, the fear, the pain, the enabling that alleviates these feelings. This is part of an email to a mum who is in day 3 of waiting whilst the loved one continues. 

    Dear Family Member,
    You are so worried that she is lonely, but talking to others in the group has helped.
    We may or may not be able to project exactly how she feels, rarely do we know the true extent of another’s person’s feelings. Our own needs to feel proactive, or helpful, or to relieve our own discomfort of having to wait, often means we will project a thought in order to justify our own actions.
    So, I really appreciate the power you and the other group member have, to talk about this and not act out on the urge. That is not easy.
    A using drug addict does and will need family, so as you wait, they will come to you. Maybe in anger, or sadness, humour or distress, but they will come to you. By phone or in person, text or email, they will come to you and will try to make you take care of her problems. 
    So, be patient, and always talk to them where everything comes second to him/her putting down the drugs, and the offer of help you have for them. 
    Unless there is a very real risk of harm, (always call the emergency services), then be loving, firm and resolute. 
    I suggest you all meet and read a chapter out of Love First together soon, discuss it in the way we met and were able to listen to each other, to process our fears and hopes. Do invite him/her to the gathering, regardless of the response, meet anyway.  Offering treatment to a lonely person is not wrong, but with drug or alcohol addiction, how you do it is crucial.
  • Alcohol Related Brain Damage (ARBD)

    Alcohol Related Brain Damage (ARBD)

    human mind

    Alcohol Related Brain Damage (ARBD)

    There are numerous references to the insanity of alcoholism. Denial, repression, euphoric recall, minimisation, maximising, knocked off, irrational rationalisations etc etc. For those of us working to help people with alcohol problems get better, we realise more than most that it can take weeks for seemingly “normal thinking” to awaken in the client after they have detoxed.

    Alcohol Concern – All In The Mind

    A recent report, “All In The Mind” by Alcohol Concern highlights the impact of alcohol on the human brain and just how damaging this process is. Long term effects of regular alcohol use is known to be damaging to both psychological and physiological aspect of the person. This public health challenge comes from physical and mental health impairment caused by alcohol consumption. An insidious process, the problems creep up and often go unnoticed until some major incident occurs. This could be mental breakdowns, liver damage, anxiety, psychotic disorders,

    Intervene Now

    It is never to early for a Family Intervention. When a person continues to drink despite having developing problems in life, then they may already have developed psychological damage that means they genuinely can not connect mentally and therefore emotionally with their own reality. They will alibi and avoid the issue, not out of bloody mindedness, but early stages of alcohol induced mental health issues. Being alcohol induced, it is imperative that Family members intervene with this person now.

  • Nalmefene

    Nalmefene

    Nalmefene Reduces Alcohol Consumption

    Update: 2015

    Nalmefene is rarely used or recommended by RedChair, however, sometimes it appears this is the best course of action. Recently a client who had struggled with abstinence concepts only had one drinking pattern, that was extremely damaging chronic alcohol intake, or nothing when health or rehab intervened. Nalmefene with some puposeful therapist, life coaching, goal setting input appears to have rescued this dire merry go round. Client hardly drinks. Body, mind and soul are clearly benefitting.

    Client needs to be motivated for this process. Assessed by a qualified clinician. Willing to engage with therapist. Honest and willing to take Nalmefene as prescribed.

    We watch this process with interest.

    Will a new drug help intervene with individuals alcoholism? Nalmefene is a drug, being launched in the UK, which professionals state could reduce alcohol intake by up to 61%. Nalmefene can be prescribed by doctors with the patient receiving counselling alongside medication. The drug aims to, essentially, make alcohol consumption less enjoyable for those suffering from alcoholism.

    New Drug could Reduce Alcohol Consumption by up to 61%

    Could this work? Intervention from specialised counsellors is a sound solution to attaining recovery. The success of coupling therapy with another substance is however more ambiguous. Drug and alcohol interventions are seemingly most effective when a person is abstinent, whether that be from alcohol, drugs or prescribed drugs. As Dr. Garret McGovern, an Addiction Specialist at the Priority Medical Clinic, drugs like Nalmefene aren’t ‘wildly successful.’ Indeed, there needs to be serious action taken to help those suffering from alcoholism but is Nalmefene really part of the solution? We at RedChair are not so sure.

    Manchester was recently reported as having the highest rate of deaths in the UK relating to substances. Therefore, debates about possible ways forward, with the likes of Nalmefene, are warmly welcomed. Yet substituting one substance for another does need to be carefully thought out. Our team recognises, time and time again, the benefit of working with a person who is abstinent. Abstinence is good for a number of reasons, one being that people are able deal with core emotional issues where substances can prolong recovery. Abstinence is not however encouraged alone, there needs to be guidance from specialised interventionists and 12 step programs.

    If you’d like to talk about this further, please feel free to give our office a call, we love to chat!0800 530 0012

    To read about Manchester having the highest death rate in the UK, in terms of substance misuse, take a look at – http://mancunianmatters.co.uk/content/09039166-depth-why-does-manchester-have-highest-rates-drug-related-deaths-uk-and-what-going-

     

  • Understanding The Relationship That Is Addiction.

    Understanding The Relationship That Is Addiction.

    Earl Grey Tea and Addiction – The Relationship Theory

    If you have a family member with a drug, alcohol or any other form of addiction that is clearly a problem you will have tried to get them to stop, cut down or control. In the process of this you will have failed and found your self aghast at the persons in ability to see clearly what you can see. Often you will be asking yourself “am I going mad, or is it them”?

    Addicts are always in denial. They have formed a relationship that is so totally encompassing of all of their faculties and experiences, that it is now a relationship, and it helps to understand what a relationship is.

    Lets use a Tea as a method of demonstrating some of the factors of addiction in a way we can all empathise with.

    I am not suggesting that Tea Drinking or Earl Grey are addictive, but rather a powerful relationship that often endures as long as life itself. When Twinnings changed the taste of its blended tea many  people were upset and disturbed. The relationship was dramaticaly  changed for ever, and could not be retrieved.

    Addiction can be physical dependency. Drugs like caffeine,  nicotine,  heroin etc all create a tolerance and withdrawal reaction that means the best of us will become addicted to it at a clinical level. However, when presented with a powerful enough reason to stop, we can. We may feel the discomfort of the withdrawal symptoms which pass within few days , and then it is on with a normal life without looking over our shoulder and having a powerful desire to return to what was doing us harm. That is normal.

    Addiction is always a psychological dependency. “Aahh , a nice cup of tea, what a relief”.

    Twinings the well-known tea manufacturer recently took it upon themselves to change the make-up of their long established and very popular earl grey variety of tea. This gives us an opportunity to understand some of the factors related to psychological addiction, which in turn may well empower family or friends of people with an addiction to understand a little bit more of what is going on.

    Just for a moment let’s assume that you have acquired a taste for earl grey tea. Actually, you probably have not acquired a taste but rather a relationship with all aspects of the tea. The taste is the identifier and represents all of the other factors of experience. The other factors are the timing of taking the tea, the heat, sweetness of the tea, the cup used and method of preparation. There are many factors, but taste is crucial. “Aahh, now that’s a nice cup of tea”. You feel the experience, you plan for it, you rely upon it, and are always disappointed when it fall short of expectation.

    When we think of experience we should always break it down into three major components.

    Behavioural. However we are acting and behaving. Breathing, body language and all aspects of the physical.
    Emotional. Pleasure or pain. Happy or sad. Content or anxious.
    Cognitive. How we talk to ourselves, our self talk. Self alibi statements, rationalisations, internal explanations. Opinions and views.

    • “Have a nice cup of tea. I always like a nice cup of tea when I get home from work it helps me to relax after the stresses and strains of the daily journey. It creates  a buffer between the trials and tribulations of the working day and my evening.(Cognitive)
    • I put on the kettle, go and get changed, turn on the telly . I rinse my favourite cup, and warm the pot. I always make sure I pour boiling water onto the tea and leave it to sit for 3 minutes.   (Behavioural)
    • The first sip is too hot.. perfect. The taste is familiar, reassuring pleasant and predictable.  I feel the pressure of the day evaporate and my shoulders relax, I sink into the chair and feel relief.  “Yes a nice cup of Earl Grey ticks all the boxes.” (Emotional)

    In the example above the persons brain has mapped and developed and hard-wired a predictable and controllable  cognitive behavioural emotional relationship with a cup of tea. The whole experience culminates in a controlled and planned feeling which is dependent in all of the components being present. All of the elements come together for a moment of pure bliss and serenity and freedom.

    The  simple statement “I always like a nice cup of tea when I get home” is evidence of the relationship. With the rigidity of all of those components there will be many times when they do not combine for the euphoric moment. The phone may ring, there may be commitment that means there is no time to sit on the sofa etc, but they’re all variables which in time will return for the opportunity to create a desired euphoric perfect cup of tea moment. The person will accept these problems knowing that the opportunity for the choice feeling is still available.

    When Twinnings changed the blend of the Tea and removed availability of the original they ended for ever that learned and acquired moment. They created a factor that permanently stopped the ability to reach the desired and known feeling.

    The taste of the moment was a lot more than the taste of the tea leaves, but totally depended on this crucial familiar element. All of a sudden the preprogrammed and hard wired experience within the human brain could no longer fulfil all the components of the moment. By changing the taste of the Tea all of the other follow on feelings and thoughts were interrupted and changed for ever. No amount of jiggery- pokery with the preparation process could recreate the mood that was previously so predictable.

    Maybe Twinings are expecting new experiences to be developed and found to be hard-wired and embedded into their customers experience. In truth this will probably happen.

    Slowly but surely people adapt to the experience. The start to create a self talk and alibi system to support and work towards the desired effect. If you can ride a bike, try unlearning how to ride a bike. The fact is we have memory of a relationship that will never go away. If at any point in the future somebody would turn up at the right moment with a cup of Earl Grey tea then that person would be transported back to that moment of euphoric soporific serene bliss. Just recall how a smell or a record playing on the radio can transport you to a time and place instantly. The mind hardwires the memory, which in turn still triggers the chemicals that create feelings.

    Drugs/alcohol/gambling  often appear to be bad in the hands of somebody with an addictive personality when they are acting out in an unmanageable problematic way. Many times friends and family will argue to stop using the drink or drugs or to cut down the control. They will suggest intellectual arguments that seem valid.

    “You will lose  your wife….,”

    “don’t you realise that you have a great job…”

    “It is the best university, it will set you up for life…”

    The intellectual arguments miss the point. The dependent person has an emotional relationship, a behavioural relationship and a thought based relationship that has totally integrated this drug use.  The will need effective treatment addressing the whole relationship in order to be free of the dependency, and the new relationship will have to be an improvement over the old one.  ( I bet there are many Twinnings Tea customers who swear the new Earl Grey is much better than the old)

    RedChair family interventions provide you with a tool to help take a person into treatment program. A good treatment program is able to create new brain mapping . The person and has a choice. They can either live in the safety of active recovery, or they can go back to the active addiction. A bit like riding a bike, you can never forget, and therefore it really is a choice. A Family Intervention creates all the elements required for a person to feel safe enough to take treatment.