Website being upgraded. Sorry for any sloppy links or appearance. Full blown ADHD in Action – 🙂

Freephone: 0800 530 0012

Blog

  • Understanding the Crucial Difference Between Enabling and Helping in Family Interventions

    Understanding the Crucial Difference Between Enabling and Helping in Family Interventions

    Helping is doing something for somebody who can not to this for themselves right now

    Enabling is doing something for somebody who could and should do this for themselves right now

    By Bill Stevens, RedChair Recovery Addiction Intervention Therapy Service

    At Red Chair Recovery Specialist Therapy Service, we’re committed to providing top-notch intervention services to families and individuals across the UK, especially in the beautiful Northwest of England. We understand that when it comes to family interventions, it’s essential to comprehend the subtle yet impactful difference between enabling and helping. In this blog, we’ll break down this vital distinction and offer practical insights to guide you through this challenging process.

    Enabling: What You Need to Know

    Enabling refers to the inadvertent or conscious support of harmful behaviours. In the context of addiction and complex issues, enabling can take several forms:

    1. Financial Support: It’s when you provide money to someone with an addiction issue, and they end up using it for their harmful behaviour.

    2. Covering Up: This is about concealing the consequences of their actions, shielding them from facing the harsh reality of their behaviour.

    3. Excusing Behaviour: Enabling often involves making excuses for their actions, which prevents them from acknowledging the problem at hand.

    Helping: The Path to Positive Change

    Helping, on the other hand, focuses on providing support with the intention of encouraging positive transformation. Here are the fundamental aspects of helping:

    1. Express Concern: Communicate your worries and fears about your loved one’s behaviour. Make it clear that you genuinely care about their well-being.

    2. Set Boundaries: Define the limits of what you’re willing to tolerate and what you expect in return. This establishes a framework for change.

    3. Suggest Treatment: Encourage your family member to seek professional help or therapy to address their issues and embark on a journey of recovery.

    Practical Examples: Applying the Knowledge

    Let’s put this knowledge into practice with some real-world examples:

    1. Enabling: Imagine you’ve been repeatedly bailing out a family member who’s been spending their money on their addiction, neglecting essential needs.
    Helping: Express your concern, set the boundary that you won’t provide more money for their addiction, and strongly encourage them to seek treatment.

    2. Enabling: You’ve been consistently cleaning up after a family member’s mess caused by their addiction, protecting them from the consequences of their actions.
    Helping: Allow them to face the consequences of their actions. Offer to clean up together and engage in a heartfelt discussion about the need for change.

    3. Enabling: During family gatherings, you’ve been making excuses for a loved one’s addiction to maintain appearances.
    Helping: Confront the issue openly, expressing your love and concern. Suggest seeking professional help to address their addiction and start the journey to recovery.

    Understanding the distinction between enabling and helping is paramount for families contemplating intervention. The ultimate objective is to offer support that fosters recovery without inadvertently perpetuating destructive behaviour. If you’re in the Northwest of England and need professional intervention services, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Red Chair Recovery Specialist Therapy Service. We’re here to support you in your journey towards healing and transformation.

    For more information about our services, please visit our website or get in touch with us. We’re here to help you every step of the way.

  • Apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    Apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    apricity – The warmness of the sun in winter

    Apricity, the warmth of the sun on a cold winter day, is a feeling that can bring joy and happiness to anyone who experiences it. For those in sobriety, finding apricity can be crucial to living a rich and meaningful life. Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a powerful tool that can help those in recovery find the warmth and light they need to thrive.

    An Anonymous Client Who Introduced Me To The Word “Apricity” – Thankyou. It is a beautiful connection to a feeling.

    Mr Good Person

    Loving His Rich & Meaningful Life

    ACT is based on the idea that pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life, but that we can choose how we respond to them. Instead of trying to avoid or eliminate negative emotions, ACT teaches us to accept them and focus on living a fulfilling life in spite of them. This can be especially important for those in recovery, who may face ongoing struggles with addiction, cravings, and other challenges.

    One key aspect of ACT is the concept of values. By identifying our core values and committing to living in alignment with them, we can create a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. For someone in recovery, this might mean prioritizing relationships with loved ones, taking care of their physical and mental health, or giving back to their community. By focusing on these values, we can find fulfillment and satisfaction that goes beyond simply avoiding drugs or alcohol.

    Another important component of ACT is mindfulness. By learning to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment, we can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-compassion. This can be especially important for those in recovery, who may struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or self-doubt. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, and move forward with greater confidence and resilience.

    Of course, none of this is easy. Sobriety is a journey, and there will be setbacks and challenges along the way. But by embracing the principles of ACT, we can find apricity even in the darkest of times. We can learn to accept our pain and suffering, find meaning and purpose in our lives, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment that goes far beyond temporary pleasures.

    So if you’re struggling with addiction or are in recovery, remember that apricity is within reach. By embracing the principles of ACT, you can create a rich and meaningful life, full of warmth and light, even in the coldest of winters.

  • SandStorm – SandSerene

    SandStorm – SandSerene

    Freedom from overwhelming engulfing thoughts feelings and sensations using a simple sand timer. Learn to unhook from obsessions, anxiety, anger, cravings, urges, impulsivity with a simple new ACT consistent exercise.

    Developed by Bill Stevens www.redchair.co.uk in 2022, clients feedback continues to confirm that this simple exercise is highly effective across many aspects of human struggles.

    Learning to mindfully, intentionally observe grains of sand as the trickle down, whilst ascribing unwanted thoughts to each grain of sand provided the important diffusion and unhooking required for psychological flexibility. “there goes my relapse thought”, or “there goes my panic” . Knowing that the fall of the grains of sand, is felt internally alongside as a release from the pent up intensity of feeling, creates time to respond to thoughts, feelings and sensations, memories or urges.

    Follow this developing ACT Metaphor with Bill Stevens as videos and instructions, training and support are released over the coming months.

  • Tactical Abstinence Programme

    Tactical Abstinence Programme

    Targeting Lifestyle choices that either improve or undermine a professional’s best quality career path.

    Professionals that choose health and wealth often have to accommodate clear and purposeful values, sacrifices, and behaviours that support and sustain the chosen path. Lifestyle is the largest variable that directly impacts short term success and long term sustainability for a career. Choose your highest health and wealth potential, taking the high road with our support.

    Choosing a Tactical Abstinence Lifestyle in support of health, wealth, and success is a pragmatic personal choice. Implementing it within our commercial world, often feels less like a choice, and more like a cross to bear and a chore to complete.

    The Tactical Abstinence Programme which incorporates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), takes a different approach to substance abuse treatment by focusing on values-aligned behaviours rather than labels such as “alcoholic” or “addict.” This approach recognises that individuals may have different experiences and needs when it comes to substance use, and that not all substance use is problematic or harmful. (Substances: alcohol, prescribed or non prescribed medications, narcotics or gambling, gaming, binge behavours)

    Instead of using labels, the Tactical Abstinence Programme helps individuals identify their values and make decisions about their substance use based on whether it is moving them closer to or further away from those values. For example, someone who values their health may choose to abstain from substances that could have negative effects on their physical well-being, while someone who values their relationships may choose to limit their substance use to avoid causing harm to their loved ones.

    By focusing on behaviours rather than labels, the Tactical Abstinence Programme allows individuals to make informed and values-aligned decisions about their substance use. This approach can be particularly useful for those who may still be able to drink in certain ways without causing harm to their health, family, or vocational goals.

    Sobriety can often feel like a difficult choice in a world where it seems like everyone around us is able to drink and party with freedom from consequences. For many professionals in fields such as business, law, education, and politics, the temptation to turn to substances as a way to cope with stress, boredom, anxiety, and other negative emotions can be overwhelming. More than this, the early formation of a lifestyle is in context of the cultural norm. Work hard, play hard. The success, celebration, fitting in with the “in crowd” all apply environmental pressures few can ignore.

    Effect and Side Effect

    However, the ongoing side effects of using substances as a coping mechanism can ultimately cost us our own morals and bring about unwanted consequences. It’s important to recognise when drinking or drug use has become a problem and to consider the benefits of sobriety. Drinking for effect, relief, often creates dependency. This is early stage. The Side Effects are when the behaviours start to impact real world values like health, family and wealth.

    Many a high flyer, a star, has become a “shooting star”. With and oohh and aahhh, they light up the sky, hitting targets, figures, incomes aplenty, yet, they dissapear quickly, burned up by the atmosphere. Tactical abstinence is a more like the satellites you can see in the night sky, consistent, moving, on a trajectory. Less exciting than a shooting star, better than the millions of ordinary stars, and here for the duration.

    While the thought of giving up substances may seem painful at first, it’s important to remember that there are alternatives that can help us cope with the challenges of sober living. One such approach is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is designed to help individuals learn how to live in a way that is more in line with their values and principles.

    ACT can be particularly helpful for addressing issues in the ultra competitive and demanding career paths for those who choose the higher road to performance, reward and status. Focusing on values based actions we can see that many forms of addictions move us away from our values, and as such are a short termism rather than a long termism behaviour.

    It’s important to remember that recovery is a journey, and it’s not always easy. But with the right support and resources, it is possible to find a new sense of peace and purpose in sobriety. By embracing a Tactical Abstinence Programme and incorporating ACT into our recovery journey, we can learn to live a life that is more in alignment with our values and goals.

    Tactical Career Coach and Therapist

    Working with a therapist and Tactical Abstinence Program Coach can provide a supportive and structured approach to overcoming the challenges of substance abuse and addiction. By learning to defuse from unwanted thoughts and attach actions to our values, we can gain a deeper understanding of our motivations and behaviors.

    One of the key aspects of the Tactical Abstinence Program is the recognition that substance use is not inherently good or bad, but rather it depends on the context in which it occurs. While there may be times when substance use is acceptable or even beneficial, such as in social situations where it is not causing harm to oneself or others, there are also times when substance use can become problematic and move us away from our values.

    Through the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), individuals can learn to identify their values and find pragmatic responses that help them stay sober in the short term and the long term. By learning to respond to difficult emotions and situations in a healthy and value-aligned way, individuals can find a new sense of purpose and fulfillment in sobriety.

  • Acceptance

    Acceptance

    Acceptance: making room for painful feelings, urges and sensations, and allowing them to come and go without a struggle.

    In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance refers to the process of allowing ourselves to experience difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations without trying to avoid or control them. This involves an attitude of openness and willingness to encounter whatever arises in the present moment, even if it is unpleasant or uncomfortable.

    Acceptance can help us expand our range of emotional and behavioural options, as it allows us to let go of our attempts to avoid or suppress difficult experiences. This can give us more flexibility in how we respond to our thoughts and feelings, and allow us to act in line with our values and goals, even in the face of difficult emotions.

    To practice acceptance, it’s important to cultivate a non-judgmental attitude towards our experiences. This means allowing ourselves to have whatever thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise, without evaluating them as good or bad. It also involves letting go of the need to control or change our experiences, and instead learning to be with them as they are.

    In addition to expanding our emotional and behavioural options, acceptance can also help us to cultivate a sense of willingness to engage with our experiences, even when they are difficult. This involves a commitment to being present and to facing our thoughts and feelings, rather than avoiding them.

    Overall, acceptance is a key part of ACT and can help us to be more flexible and responsive in the face of difficult thoughts and feelings, and to live in line with our values and goals.

  • Values

    Values

    In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values refer to the core principles and beliefs that guide our actions and give meaning to our lives. These values might include things like compassion, honesty, connection, or adventure, and they are often based on what we care about most deeply.

    In ACT, values are not just abstract ideas; rather, they are the foundation for how we want to live our lives. By identifying our values and making them the focus of our attention and behaviour, we can create a sense of purpose and direction that can help us to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings.

    To exercise perspective and choice in living with our chosen values, it’s important to first identify what our values are. This might involve exploring different areas of life, such as relationships, work, health, or personal growth, and asking ourselves what is most important to us in each area.

    Once we have identified our values, we can use them to guide our actions and make choices that are consistent with them. This might involve setting goals that align with our values, or making decisions that are in line with what we care about most deeply.

    It’s also important to remember that our values may change over time, and that it’s okay to revisit them and adjust our goals and actions accordingly. By staying connected to our values and using them as a guide, we can create a more fulfilling and meaningful life, even in the face of difficult thoughts and feelings.

  • Defusion

    Defusion

    In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), defusion refers to the process of letting go of our unhelpful thoughts and beliefs and finding a new perspective on them. This may entail realising that our thoughts are merely ideas and conjured up images in our minds and that they are not facts or realities over which we have no control.

    One way to exercise defusion is to practice mindfulness, which involves bringing our attention to the present moment and observing our thoughts and feelings without judgement. This can help us to see our thoughts as transitory mental events that come and go, rather than as fixed and unchangeable truths.

    Another way to practice defusion is to use specific techniques, such as labelling thoughts as just thoughts, using humour to distance ourselves from our thoughts, or using imagery to see our thoughts as leaves on a stream. These techniques can help us step back from our thoughts and let them go, rather than getting caught up in them.

    Overall, the goal of defusion is to create some psychological space between ourselves and our thoughts, so that we can respond to them in a more flexible and adaptive way. This can help us reduce the negative impact of our thoughts on our emotions and behaviour, and to live in line with our values and goals.

  • Self

    In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the self can be conceptualized in different ways. The “self as context” refers to the observing and compassionate part of the self that is able to take a step back and witness one’s own thoughts and feelings without being overwhelmed by them. This part of the self is able to remain present and aware in the moment, even in the face of difficult experiences.

    The “conceptualized self” refers to the part of the self that is made up of thoughts and beliefs about who we are and how we should behave. This can include our identity, values, and goals. In ACT, it’s important to recognize that the conceptualized self is not the same thing as the true self, and that our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves can sometimes be limiting or unhelpful.

    The “self as content” refers to the experiences and sensations that make up our moment-to-moment experience. This can include thoughts, feelings, sensations, and perceptions. In ACT, the goal is not to eliminate or suppress these experiences, but rather to find a way to have them without being overwhelmed or controlled by them. This allows us to focus on what is most important to us and to take action in line with our values.

  • Boredom -A misunderstood friend?

    Boredom -A misunderstood friend?

    Bored? You are not broken, yet you may need to add a new response to boredom. It is probably your best friend. Choose to accept the message from boredom. Don’t send it packing this time.

    A Letter from Boredom. Maybe Write one back.

    Bemoaning boredom prior to relapsing is a common occurrence in the stages and cycles of dealing with addiction issues. I’m bored. What’s the point, and a call to the dealer is placed, or a hand reaches for the next bet on an app, or another trip to the pub or off-licence is made. Boredom, like far-reaching possibilities, is put on hold for the time being.

    Inviting clients to “lean into boredom” in my ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy – pronounced “act”) therapy sessions raises a few eyebrows. Boredom, on the other hand, is important feedback, a messenger who is frequently shown the door far too soon. Perhaps we should get our journals out and spend some time being bored. Keep an eye out for its subtle message. It’s interesting to take proactive time to sit with boredom, noticing feelings and sensations with openness and curiosity. I choose to engage in a curious relationship with boredom, being open to its presence. Perhaps take notes and record any thoughts that arise.

    The urge to move away from boredom may be the old behaviours. What can you do differently today?

    We can feed it addictions or invite its assistance as we begin to identify our values and aspirations. Simply put, boredom is a disconnect from our true values, what we stand for, and our purpose.

    I believe that addicts and alcoholics (although with ACT we are not hot on labels) have amazing personalities. When addictive, creative types like us are willing to open up to boredom and allow it to speak to us, we will discover our true self and, with it, our purpose. Listen to your amazing competitive talent self.

    That can be quite overwhelming and frightening, so we resort to our old familiar avoidant behaviours. However, there are times when we have a choice. Choose to be open to our aspirations, inspirations, and a version of ourselves that are willing to strive, thrive, and pursue a new path.

    Boredom will message you incessantly when your experience is exposed to abstinence. Your mind will autopilot to “avoid and control unwanted experiences with whatever it has long been trained to do, thus relapse will appear to offer respite.

    Radical Acceptance invites a paradoxical response to boredom. Just maybe, your boredom opens the door to possibility. A room brimming with new possibilities. Will you enter or leave today?

    Boredom is sending you a message. You do not have a problem with alcohol or drugs. You have a sober problem. As a result, sobriety and abstinence as a life goal will only take you so far. Boredom invites you to consider living from values of sobriety/abstinence, and thus you are now open to a Rich and Meaningful Life. One that challenges your fears and blocks because it serves a real purpose. It’s an identity you desperately want to feed.

    The RedChair ACT Pathway Programme is designed for addictive creative types when abstinence and sobriety are insufficient. Your ambitions can become a life role, a way of life, my “what I do.” What makes that really effective is when you also create a path that includes getting paid to do something you truly enjoy and want to spend your time involved in and with. Boredom will message you, and relapse will appear, offering respite, if there is no purpose and possibility in action.

    Bill Stevens

  • Soberpreneurial

    Soberpreneurial: Ambitious Creative Talented person in active recovery who has the dream, desire and drive to build a business.

    You harbour desires, dreams, ideas and inspirations for your new and exciting vocation or business.

    One that you know you really want to do if you were not feeling stuck. Unsure how even to start? Fear, procrastination, lack of skills or self believe keeping you safe, in your day-to-day safe zone?

    RedChair soberpreneurial program for those in active recovery who have a dream, want to build a business, or vocation, and create a world where you get paid for doing what you love.

    You Can Do This

    Those in active recovery, and maintaining a life based on abstinence are already amazing. Climbing out of addiction, into recovery is incredible. For some, this can soon feel suffocating, not compelling, and somehow not enough. Like you have an itch you can not scratch. Grateful of course for a life of freedom from addiction, yet somehow, an unresolved natural sense of needing to explore new vistas, dreams, and yearnings that seem to be based on career, and vocational aspirations. Get Better, Be Better and now, open up to launching a potential that simmers within you. Do Better.

    Ask Yourself:

    What is it you really love, that floats your boat, and interests you?

    What do you have a passion and talent for?

    What is your purpose if you could really be free to flourish?

    If you could earn money doing what you love, what would it be?

    What is your amazing ambition, that your creative, capable, committed self, with talent and transformative support, really wants to do with your life?

    Join the Soberpreneurial Development Group where we nurture dreams and find ways to make them come true. Start by calling us 0800 530 0012 and let’s find out what you want, exploring how to make that happen. It will be fun, furious, and hard at times.

    Experience teaches us that there is one life, and unresolved dreams are a regret one should not have to shoulder.

    How Does It Work

    Consult with us on the dream, the idea, and the yearning for some kind of pathway, and we will collaborate with you, showing you how it could come to life. We start where you are at, make a plan that fits you, and work with you to make that happen. Working on a business idea is a process of action, accumulating tasks that build and acquire momentum. You just need to show up and ask for help. We will guide you.

    Make The Call

    Bill on 07789 480286

    “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

    Nelson Mandela